Coaching Myths We Can Gently Retire

Every profession collects myths. Some are handed down through training programs. Some come from social media. Others form quietly when well-meaning advice gets repeated often enough that it starts to sound like truth.

Coaching is no exception.

Most coaching myths don’t come from bad intentions. They usually come from an understandable desire to help, to be effective, and to do right by clients. Over time, though, certain beliefs create unnecessary pressure for coaches and unrealistic expectations about what change is supposed to look like.

So let’s do a little spring cleaning of a few ideas that have outlived their usefulness.

Myth 1: Motivation Comes First

This one is everywhere, #motivationmondays!

The idea is that once someone is motivated enough, change will follow. If a client isn’t taking action, the assumption is that motivation is missing and needs to be created.

In reality, motivation is often the result of the nervous system feeling safe more often, not the prerequisite.

When nervous systems feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or threatened, motivation tends to drop. When people feel supported, resourced, and less alone, motivation often shows up on its own.

Coaching that focuses exclusively on increasing motivation can accidentally miss the conditions that allow motivation to emerge.

Myth 2: Insight Automatically Leads to Change

Insight is valuable. It’s also overrated as a standalone intervention.

Many clients already understand why they do what they do. They can name patterns, connect dots, and articulate goals beautifully. Still, behavior doesn’t always shift. Or maybe this is just me (tee hee!)

That doesn’t mean the coaching failed. It means insight and action aren’t necessarily intertwined.

Change usually requires repetition, regulation, and time. Insight can open the door, but it doesn’t push someone through it by itself.

Myth 3: More Effort Produces Better Results

This myth tends to show up when progress feels slow.

The impulse is to add more. More tools. More homework. More structure. More accountability. More urgency.

Sometimes effort helps. Often, it increases pressure.

For many clients, especially those with trauma histories or chronic stress, more effort actually makes change harder. Regulation, pacing, and permission to go slower frequently create better outcomes than intensity.

Coaching is not a boot camp. It’s a relationship.

Myth 4: A Good Coach Always Knows What to Say

Early in training, many coaches believe that competence means having the right words ready at all times.

Silence can feel like failure. Uncertainty can feel like incompetence. The urge to fill space or provide answers can be strong.

Experienced coaches know something different.

Presence often matters more than precision. Pausing can be more supportive than speaking. Naming uncertainty can deepen trust rather than weaken it.

You don’t need to be a walking script to be effective. You need to be attuned.

Myth 5: Coaching Should Feel Productive Every Session

This myth sneaks in quietly.

Sessions that feel calm, reflective, or less goal-oriented can trigger doubt. Coaches may worry they didn’t do enough or that time was wasted.

Some of the most important work happens in sessions that don’t look busy.

Integration, trust, and regulation often develop in quieter moments. Progress is not always visible in real time. Coaching is a long game.

Myth 6: Coaches Are Responsible for Outcomes

This myth carries the most challenge.

When coaches take full responsibility for client outcomes, the work becomes rough, fast. Pressure increases. Boundaries blur. Burnout creeps in.

Coaching works best when responsibility is shared appropriately. Clients bring their lives, choices, and capacity. Coaches bring presence, structure, and support. Change emerges from the interaction.

You can care deeply without carrying everything.

A Closing Thought

These myths don’t just affect how your coaching looks. They affect how coaching feels to your client.

They increase self-doubt. They push you toward overfunctioning. They make normal parts of change feel like problems you have to solve rather than experiences to navigate with the client.

Letting them go creates space. Coaching becomes more humane, more sustainable, and often more effective.

Some myths can rest now.

Coaching will be better for it.