If Coaching Were a Group Project

Let’s start with something many people can agree on. A lot of people hate group projects.

Usually it isn’t because working with other people is inherently terrible. It’s because of the familiar dynamic where you might care more than everyone else, you end up doing extra work “just in case,” and somehow the final outcome feels like your responsibility even though it clearly wasn’t designed that way.

Most of us have lived through that. Expectations were fuzzy. Effort was uneven. Someone went quiet. Someone showed up late. And the stress landed on the person who wanted it to go well.

Here’s the part I find interesting, though.

Sometimes, group projects still turn out surprisingly well. Even when one person drops the ball. Even when someone is inconsistent. Even when the group isn’t operating at full capacity.

That curiosity sticks with me, especially when I think about coaching.

Because coaching is a lot like a group project.

You might be the only coach in the room, but you are not working with just one variable. You are working with multiple moving parts at the same time. Some of them are within your influence. Some of them belong to your client. And some of them show up whether you invited them or not.

Progress still happens.

The Nervous System Always Shows Up First

One of the “group members” in coaching is the nervous system, and it has a habit of arriving early in session.

Some days it shows up as a client who is calm and open. Other days it arrives in the form of a  tired, guarded, or already overwhelmed client. Of course, you might be the one who is struggling.

When a nervous system feels safe enough, conversations flow more easily. Curiosity is available. Change feels possible. When a nervous system is on high alert, even a thoughtful question can land wrong or feel like too much.

This doesn’t mean the session is failing. It means one of the group members is having a harder day.

Coaching moves forward when you notice that and adjust, instead of trying to push through it.

The Relationship Carries More Than We Admit

Another group member is the relationship itself.

The relationship brings history into the room. Past experiences of being misunderstood. Moments where someone felt rushed or judged. Times when someone felt deeply supported or finally seen. All of that quietly influences how much risk a client can take and how feedback lands.

Some sessions feel easy because the relationship is doing a lot of the work. Other sessions feel clunky, even when nothing “went wrong.”

This is where coaching starts to feel less like a checklist and more like something alive. Progress doesn’t come from perfect attunement every time. It comes from staying in the relationship when things are slightly awkward or unclear.

The Environment Has Opinions

Then there’s the environment, which rarely stays neutral.

Life shows up in the room. Work stress. Family demands. Illness. Finances. The time of day. Whether the client has privacy. Whether the coach does.

Sometimes the environment supports the work beautifully. Other times it actively gets in the way. A week that looked manageable on paper turns out to be exhausting in real life.

When coaching forgets about the environment, pressure often shifts onto the client or the coach to make up for it. When the environment is acknowledged, expectations soften and the work becomes more realistic.

The Client Shows Up as They Can

Clients do not show up the same way every week.

Some days they are motivated and clear. Other days they are distracted, unsure, or quietly resistant. This variability can feel unsettling, especially if coaching is framed as something that should move steadily forward.

Coaching works better when participation is allowed to fluctuate without being labeled a problem. Plans shift. Pace changes. Oh well! The work continues in a different shape.

The Coach Isn’t Supposed to Carry the Whole Thing

This is often the hardest part for coaches to remember.

Your role is not to make every session productive, motivated, or successful. Your role is to hold structure, offer curiosity, and stay present without taking responsibility for every outcome.

When you start doing most of the emotional or cognitive labor, it usually means the group project has slipped out of balance. Something needs adjusting, not pushing.

Coaching feels lighter when coordination replaces control.

What Actually Makes the Group Project Work

If coaching were a group project, success would not depend on every group member showing up exactly the way you want them to. It would depend on how you respond when they don’t.

Progress happens when you notice which part of the system needs attention, rather than deciding someone failed. It happens when curiosity replaces blame and flexibility replaces force.

That’s how group projects sometimes succeed despite their messiness. And that’s how coaching works, too.